Why I’m championing intimate weddings and elopements

I explain my recent decision to change the narrative and embrace intimate weddings and elopements

In all honesty I’m writing this as much for myself as for you. I feel the need to clarify, for us both really, why I’m refocussing my narrative and my purpose and turning my sights instead towards intimate weddings and elopements.

I hope this will also explain to those of you who are new to my website why some of the past content is not related to this niche subject. I’d like to pay homage to the beautiful weddings and inspiration that has gone before on these pages. I give my heartfelt thanks to the couples and vendors who have shared those special moments with me.

Change can be relied upon to bring along her companions, doubt and trepidation, but I’m excited to start this new chapter with you. So here we go.

Wedding inspiration since 2012

After twelve years of blogging and planning wedding fairs, coming through Covid and out the other side, I’m ready to write a new chapter.

For over a year I’ve been fighting a personal battle with my conscience. A niggle that just won’t go away. A voice in my head saying ‘stop the wedding I want to get off’

Let me explain.

When I started my wedding blog in 2012 the UK was coming out of a recession and the trend was make do and mend. Vintage vibes and DIY narratives were everywhere.

The humble jam jar, once destined for the recycle bin became the next big thing in centrepieces. Village Hall weddings were de rigueur and afternoon teas became the wedding breakfast staple.

The theme wasn’t quite my thing but I comfortably championed the necessity for being thrifty and spending wisely. I still do.

As with all trends and gimmicks they come and they go.

There’s a very different narrative for weddings in 2024

Zoom forward to 2024 and we’re seeing a very different aesthetic and most certainly a different narrative.

Excess.

Go big or go home.

Opulence. Extravagance.

Instagram.

I’m being honest with both myself and you when I say I’m uncomfortable being part of a narrative encouraging excessive spending, unnecessary gimmicks and unrealistic expectation. Great, if this kind of inspiration floats someone else’s boat. My own delight however is sinking.

Plan whatever style of wedding makes you happy

Now before anyone throws their confetti out of the cone let me clarify something.

I’m not tearing down trend filled weddings with eye watering budgets because if that’s what a couple wants to do, it’s really none of my business. I believe you should do whatever makes you happy.

And to those couples planning in advance every wedding pose so their photographs are ‘instagram worthy’, go get ’em.

You do you.

I must do me.

My problem is the current narrative isn’t me.

My conversations with couples and friends in the industry revealed more often than not it isn’t them either.

Being true to who I am

Like most writers I’d find it incredibly difficult to write about anything I didn’t believe in. It is essential to be passionate about ones subject if one wishes to be credible. Honesty with our audience is vital if our writing is to resonate with our readers.

For my own part I simply don’t believe ‘stuff’ makes a wedding memorable. I’m sorry, but there it is. In truth I believe less is more and prefer to encourage the merits of letting the day unfold naturally, unforced and open to surprise and unexpected joy.

I appreciate and embrace the fact my opinion won’t be on par with everyone. That’s ok. I’m not writing for everyone. I’m writing for the couple who told me they don’t want a pantomime and the couple who said “We just want to get married”.

Most recently I discovered a desire to free my own self from the expectations of others. I want to be true to my own voice which I believe has got a little lost over the years. I need, no, I want, to write about those weddings that make my own heart leap with excitement because of the love demonstrated through simplicity rather than excess.

So what is an intimate wedding?

The industry use the term to relate to guests numbers – below 70, some say below 50. I guess officially that’s true if we must compare weddings on a like by like basis.

To me guests numbers don’t really matter because they’re relative to the number of important people in your life. In my opinion an intimate wedding is more a vibe than a quantitive measure.

Consider the feelings evoked by the words laid back, relaxed, informal, easy going, chilled.

In my head I bizarrely unpack intimate wedding and elopement to mean escape; a freedom from conforming to trends and opinions. Less about staged and contrived moments, herding guests from one activity or photo opp to the next. More about finding a really incredible location and creating a relaxed atmosphere in which to celebrate.

Location is everything. The right location will do so much of the hard work for you.

It’s definitely not about planning your wedding for the benefit of instagram or showing off to your friends. Not in my opinion anyway.

My Oxford English Dictionary defines intimate as:

“Closely acquainted, familiar, friendship, closely personal relationships.”

Dictionary dot com say:

“..an atmosphere conducive to privacy” or “very private; closely personal”

Another word I like to use is ‘authentic’ which Dictionary dot com define as:

“…not false or copied; genuine; real”.

To be true to yourself, your ethics and spirit, your beliefs, even when under pressure by outside forces to act otherwise. It’s about keeping it real, being true to yourselves whilst aspiring to your dreams to make the day just how you want it.

Where Does The Dream Meet Reality

Don’t misunderstand the above to mean a wedding devoid of effort and style. On the contrary, I love pretty flowers, beautiful cakes, glamorous dresses and the personal, meaningful touches which weave a couple’s love story into their day.

Featuring ideas and unique locations is important for couples who want to create an experience that is meaningful to both themselves and their guests.

Styled shoots are a great source for such inspiration. Consider them the catwalk for weddings offering suppliers the opportunity to flex their creative muscles. I am forever in awe of the talent of local suppliers and I love a smattering of the wow factor as much as the next person, but I have to ask:

Where is the balance?

Where does the dream meet the reality?

Overpriced, unrealistic, unfair

Weddings are more expensive than ever and any supplier or venue expecting couples to pay over the odds for styled shoot level weddings would do well to read the room.

Even top fashion designers know they can’t force their catwalk concepts onto everyday buyers. This is why diffusion brands such as Emporio Armani and Versus Versace exist.

The UK finds itself in the grip of a cost of living crisis. Younger couples especially are struggling to get onto the housing market so I can see the decision about whether to spend £20k on a house deposit or £20,775 on a wedding, the Average Wedding Cost 2024 according to Bridebook, is likely to be a no brainer for many couples.

Some venues and suppliers might need to tone down their expectations if for no other reason than to stay in business.

I’m hearing too often about ridiculous and totally unfair venue deposit agreements, restrictions on supplier use, favouring in-house suppliers over free choice, back handers and charging couples for ‘included in the package’ services whether they want them or not.

I wonder how many corporate businesses accept this nonsense when booking an event?

To balance this out, I heard only this week from a recent bride that their venue went above and beyond to be flexible and fair. They allowed them to remove items they didn’t want from the package, advised where they could save money and reallocated monies from last minute cancelled guests to cover other charges.

These are the venues that deserve recognition and who, in my mind, have got it right.

Inspiration V Expectation

My research shows many couples feel the costs and expectations of the wedding industry are beyond their reach. They admit to feeling overwhelmed and an immense pressure to keep up with unrealistic expectation. Sadly some are worried their wedding will be less of a day if they can’t afford or don’t want to run to such extravagance.

“We don’t want all that” said a bride to me recently at a wedding fair. “We just want to keep it simple” said another.

I recently assured a Mother of the Bride she was quite right to refuse a quote of £560 for a small plain two tier naked wedding cake to serve just forty guests. “I just thought I was out of touch” she said, pleased to hear she was well within her rights to be horrified.

Do the calculation. This equates to £14 per slice.

Inspiration and advice for intimate weddings and elopements

So I’m here for the realistic and the achievable, the doable, notwithstanding how subjective ‘doable’ might be.

I’m here for great food, the sound of popping corks, breathtaking locations and those long remembered special moments that happen naturally.

I’m championing couples who don’t want gimmicks for the sake of having them but say ‘hell yeah’ to creating a wedding that’s heavy on organic moments and meaningful memories.

For the madly in love who want to run away to the coast, the lakes, the cities or the mountain tops and say ‘I do’ under God’s own canopy. Let it rain. Let it shine. Love will rule your day.

As for me, I’m excited to start this new chapter.

From this moment on free yourself from expectation and invite serendipity to your wedding. More often than not she will surprise you with something you would never have thought of or could ever have planned for.

Emma-Jane x

Images by Nathan Dumlao & Ashley Nicole